It has come to my attention that people exist in the real world and don’t over-analyse every little detail. And I worry for these people. With all this time on their hands who knows what kind of productive achievements they can accomplish. Here's a guide to cripple your confidence and stop you from winding down at the end of the day. Enjoy!
When in a mildly troubling situation try adding the phrase: “for the rest of my life”.
For example: "work was awful today" becomes "work is awful for the rest of my life." Or, "he didn't say I look nice" turns into the wildly inaccurate "I’ll never be told I look nice for the rest of my life."
Catastrophise everything by like, 10 say?
This way you are braced for the worst. Example: Stuck at a red light does not mean sitting listening to the radio for one more minute, no, no, it means you will lose your job because you are late for work and you’re probably already hanging on by a thread.
Know your four F’s
FLIGHT, FIGHT, FREEZE AND FAWN. Welcome to your new and only moods. That overall lethargic feeling is from running your adrenaline too high. All. The. Damn. time.
Like Boy Scouts, always be prepared!
Carry everything: loose change for parking or buskers hats, baby wipes, Band-Aids, first aid kit, ambulance if you can, every conversation, every fight, every embarrassing moment you’ve ever had, let it all weigh you down as you walk merrily down the street.
Know your worth until you diminish it to nothing.
This tool is valuable when you're feeling a little too okay with your life at the moment. Try questioning things like your friendships. If you have three best friends, but one doesn't call very often you can assume they hate you, so it's really only two. And now that you think about it, those two are much closer than you are, so yeah, you're basically doomed.
Undermine your skills by adding belittling comments about your achievements.
E.g. I have a degree but I don't use it or remember anything from my studies. Or yeah I'm an artist but it's not like I'm very good or make money or anything.
376th guessing yourself is the new second guess.
I want a coffee maybe, no, hot chocolate would be better or maybe tea or maybe save $5 or spend $10 and get a muffin too. As long as I don't order anything too long or hold up the people behind me in any way. OH NO I’M AT THE START OF THE QUEUE. “One cup of milk please.”
Isolate yourself in your mental load.
You wouldn't dare burden others with your problems and even if you did you can't guarantee that they would care. It's best to never ask for help and take it upon yourself to do everything, otherwise no-one will, and nothing will get done for the rest of human history.
Put yourself in other people’s shoes… and socks.
Cross the line of empathy and be one with another person. This way you don’t have to ask what they’re thinking; you already know. You can have entire conversations completely in your head and never say one word to them. Genius!
Count your blessings until you can't count no more.
Realise that you have taken everything you love for granted blame yourself, shame yourself, for not being appreciative enough.
*Disclaimer* Please do not do anything on this list if you intend on living a balanced and stable existence.