I Said, Do You Speak My Language?
Despite my determination to get another result, I am a gift receiving love language inhabitant. And it makes me feel like such a shallow, material-loving hussy which is only somewhat true. I have adapted my interpretation so that it makes me seem a little less obnoxious.
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman explains 5 common ways in which people communicate in their romantic relationships. Knowing yours and your partners’ Love Languages can help you minimise miscommunications. For example if they didn’t get you a birthday present it’s probably because they don’t care about gifts - not that they secretly hate you.
If you finish work and all you want is for the dishes to be cleaned and dinner ready, you might be an ‘Acts of Service’ kinda lover. You feel genuinely moved and grateful when your partner takes the time to make your life that little bit easier. If however, you do a similar task and they respond less than enthusiastically, they probably have greater meaning in one of the other categories.
‘Physical touch’ is another language whereby hugs or touching in general help you feel loved or safe or comfortable. This can be a tricky one if your partner doesn’t match exactly so you will have to use your actual verbal language to understand each other's perspective.
‘Quality Time’ is reasonably self explanatory. If your significant other is a mostly quality time person, do not underestimate how nice it is for them to do activities together or just some time without distractions will mean to them.
The next one, ‘Words of Affirmation’ is very much up my alley. Compliments, praise, reassurance is my jam, I could spread it on toast and eat it all day long. Actual reassurance that the make-believe scenarios I concoct are fiction and that everything is fine goes a very, very, very, very long way. It’s like fact checking, or hushing the tornado's of destruction that wreak havoc in my happy place.
So that brings me to the last category, ‘Receiving Gifts’ or as I call it: thought. And I call it thought because there is no monetary value thing that I could ever want. It really is, for me, the thought that counts. My housemate drew me a Moulin Rouge themed birthday card and I nearly cried. I’ve been saved the last dark chocolate Ferrero Rocher because someone knew it was my favourite. I’ve had friends give me their scarves and jumpers when travelling because they wanted me to keep warm. I can draw sentimental value out of pretty much anything and can love holding onto things that take me back to that time.
I really hope this adds a piece of communication to your relationship and can intervene before you throw your hands up in a huff thinking you’re incompatible because you aren’t speaking the same language.